I don't have to live like this.


If I have not told you, and I've tried not to mention it very often but then I've also made no attempt to hide it either, I'm taking a break from secular books and secular music for the Lenten season. I'm also taking a break from playing Bejeweled but that is only because Bejeweled will suck up your time before you know what happened. The books and the music? I'm making a conscious effort to replace them with things that will increase my understanding of God, His will, and what He wants to do about me.

Some of the blogs I've been visiting, some of the things I've been watching, some of the books I've been reading, some of the music I've been listening to have left me discontented and unhappy with my life.

And that is a very good thing, I do believe. I think we are supposed to be a little restless.

I have convinced myself that I can't really do much about poverty, abortion, war, and the other evils of our time. I'm a middle aged housewife. I can try to vote for leaders that I feel come closest to supporting what I believe is right, but come on, you know they  will let us down. I can give my children's well used, outgrown  clothes to charity. I can send the canned goods from the back of my cabinet to the food pantry since I'm pretty sure we are not going to eat them, as evidenced by the fact that they keep getting pushed to the back of the cabinet. The stuff I don't need or want will surely be enough blessing for someone else, right? We are not wealthy and I cannot take away from my children to give to someone else now can I? Doesn't charity begin at home? Well? Doesn't it?

There is simply not enough money to spare. What am I supposed to do?

Can you imagine if my husband came home one day and found that I'd sold all the televisions in the house and given the money to charity? What if I went ahead and sold the furniture? My van? I wonder how he would react? Hmmm, I think I found my escape clause. I'll fall back on that poor, pitiful me, I'm just a submissive wife so everything I do that is not right must be the fault of my husband. That's the ticket. I'll pass the blame.

Or not.

I decided to really think on this. Meditate on it. Chew on it. I'd stop talking about it to God for awhile, so He'd have a chance to talk to me for a change.

And you know what He pointed out to me? It's me. It's not my husband. It's not the needs/wants of my children. It's not the economy. It's not the price of gas. It's me.

We have a financial arrangement in our home that works pretty well. We have separate checking accounts, one for the bills and one for the household budget. I don't mess with the one for bills unless I run out of household budget money. That happens far too frequently, by the way. The budget is more than generous, but how often is it eaten up by the frivolous? Fast food stops, trips to the craft store, expensive coffees, a stop at the wine store? And it's not that these things are bad in and of themselves, but I play fast and loose with the money and I don't keep track of where it goes and then there is nothing left.

And there is already more than enough.

I have to make a change. I have to start with me. I have to be a better steward. If I were simply a better steward of what God provides through my husband's work, I would have enough to run my household without going over and dipping into the bigger bank account and even have leftover. Leftover. Enough to support the organizations that are fighting for the things I say matter to me the most.

So, for the 2011 Lenten season, it seems my lesson from God is to be a good steward of the blessings he bestows on my family, and to give the overflow back to His kingdom.

I don't have to live this way. I am blessed beyond comprehension and I need to start living that way.